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Home > DH quitting job, with nothing else lined up

DH quitting job, with nothing else lined up

September 5th, 2007 at 02:18 pm

Vent Alert! Guess what the D stands for today?

I'm about as angry and frustrated and scared as I've been since I started writing this blog. DH told me the end of last week, and it sounds like he actually gave his notice at work a week before that--without even mentioning it to me beforehand.

I started out with a sense of calm, because I finally knew what was going on. See entry here: http://stressless.savingadvice.com/2007/07/27/fud_28650/

I know he hasn't been crazy about the job for some time, and it does sound like it may be getting harder. So I can understand it. I immediately got on the stick and started cancelling automatic transfers to savings, figuring out how much more I can get in take-home by adjusting my W-4, and looking up how much individual health insurance might cost. I've done a lot of thinking about how I can reduce the food budget more, and what else we can cut. My Weight Watchers membership, perhaps?

Then this morning, DH started picking at me about the state of the house, and how I should be spending my vacation week. A vacation week I scheduled out of desperation because I was already feeling exhausted and frazzled before he hit me with this news.

All of a sudden I'm not feeling like such a team player. He's still spending money on discretionary stuff, and hasn't applied for any other jobs yet. While I'm doing my financial fiddling, he's happily watching tv or sleeping. I've been trying to be cooperative, and then he has the gall to start browbeating me.

Right at this moment, I'm feeling like I shouldn't have to give anything else up. I've been working hard at getting our expenses down over the past few years. I'm not willing to go any further. I still need to lose weight. With him at home, it's going to be hard to find time to myself, and WW meetings would be a good escape. So that stays. I need clothes, and I already have money set aside. He's still spending money on books and cigarettes. AND I'M NOT THE ONE QUITTING A JOB! So today, I'm going clothes shopping as planned, dammit.

Oh, and to top it off I found out today the car insurance bill has gone up 26%.

Posted in Mindset, Cars, Self-care, Marriage | 18 Comments »

18 Responses to “DH quitting job, with nothing else lined up”

  1. miclason Says:
    September 5th, 2007 at 02:28 pm 1189002500
    1189002500

    ((hugs)) It must be really frustrating. I would be mad that he quit without telling you first.He gave the company 2 weeks notice, you'd think a spouse would deserve the same courtesy!...maybe he's in denial that you will have to make changes to your finances while he finds something else (which, hopefully, will be very soon!)

  2. fern Says:
    September 5th, 2007 at 03:17 pm 1189005453
    1189005453

    Yeah, it does not seem like you two are on the same page. Why should you be the one to make all the sacrifices with your WW and W-4 withholdings. Careful, if, by all these sacrifices, you make it nearly doable that he has quit his job, he may be sleeping on that couch for longer than you like!

  3. Ima saver Says:
    September 5th, 2007 at 06:56 pm 1189018573
    1189018573

    I am so sorry, it would just floor me if my husband pulled something like that! I hope things get better and he finds work quickly.

  4. graceleigh Says:
    September 5th, 2007 at 07:59 pm 1189022363
    1189022363

    Wow- I don't post a lot but saw this and wanted to let you know that really sucks for lack of a better word. I defintely feel your frustation.

  5. LuckyRobin Says:
    September 5th, 2007 at 10:21 pm 1189030919
    1189030919

    Wow, what a disrepectful thing to do. Next time he whined about the house I'd probably get snarky, if it were me. Something along the lines of, "You don't have a job anymore, you don't like the way I do it, then YOU do it!" He can be a househusband until he gets a new job. Might light a fire under him.

    If he's already being careless with money you no longer have, I'd also think about removing all credit and debit cards from his wallet and making sure that he didn't get into the bank account either, so that all bills are paid with the money you bring in and he isn't out wasting it. Even if it meant temporarily setting up a new account that only you could access.

    It's one thing to quit your job. It's another to do it without telling your wife and to continue to just spend money la, la, la, like nothing had changed.

  6. terri77 Says:
    September 5th, 2007 at 11:20 pm 1189034419
    1189034419

    I'm so sorry, you've had a bad week. You have a right to feel angry, frustrated, and hurt. I hope that your husband finds a job soon.

  7. dtjunkie Says:
    September 6th, 2007 at 12:33 am 1189038781
    1189038781

    Just a couple of tips for you:
    Don't make it too easy for him. Don't sacrifice Too much of what you enjoy. Start sacrificing on things only he enjoys first.

  8. disneysteve Says:
    September 6th, 2007 at 01:54 am 1189043685
    1189043685

    Certainly, that should have been a "team" decision.

    That said, I quit my job with nothing lined up back in 2000 (my wife knew). We tightened the belt for a while. I sold on ebay full time and enjoyed my freedom. We also took an impromptu 10-day trip to Disney World and spent a week in Vegas (that was already planned for me to attend a convention).

    Eventually, after about 3 months, a job found me (lord knows I didn't go looking) and I had to unretire and get back to work. Everything worked out for the best. I hope it all goes well for you, too.

  9. baselle Says:
    September 6th, 2007 at 03:01 am 1189047667
    1189047667

    Man. What kind of husband would wait that week before telling his wife something like that? What other secrets has he been hiding? That's my fear. I think you have to have the fiscal chat, point blank asking him what his future plans are, and for every "nagging wife eye roll" he does during it, he loses a card - credit, debit, gas, grocery, library...

  10. scfr Says:
    September 6th, 2007 at 05:57 am 1189058246
    1189058246

    Oh my goodness ... I don't want to beat up on your husband too much but that sounds like quite an act of betrayal. If it's completely out of character for him, you may want to ask yourself if something serious could be going on (like depression).

  11. koppur Says:
    September 6th, 2007 at 11:29 am 1189078155
    1189078155

    *big hugs* Sounds like you are in a really tough spot. I think you are right to still go to WW (that is a matter of health, an really, health isn't a luxury, it's a necessity) and to go clothes shopping today. You saved for it. Why spend the money you worked to save on his cigarettes and books? I am in a similar situation. My BF moved out here from Vegas last november and moved in with me. He STILL hasn't found a job. I know he is looking, but I also know he is not looking as hard as he could be. He has several 'hurdles' (no college education, no driving license, and has bad social anxiety disorder) and while I understand it, sometimes I feel like he uses them as a crutch. But at least he is a bouse-boyfriend. He takes care of everything in the house and has dinner waiting for me when i get home every night. Might be time your your DH to become a house-hubby. It is hard and frusterating, but remember that while he is your husband, you need to take care of you, too. Talk to him about a limit on luxury spendings each week (we cap it at $10 a week). Good luck and we're all here for you! *hugs*

  12. Broken Arrow Says:
    September 6th, 2007 at 12:01 pm 1189080114
    1189080114

    Yes, that is indeed very scary.... I really can't see myself like that... that is, jobless.

    However, I also completely understand what it's like to work on a very stressful job... so much so that it would cause me to feel the need to quit. So....

    But if you're going to do that, then I don't understand why it's OK to not tighten up on the discretionary spending.

    Well, here's to everything working out for the best!

  13. crazyliblady Says:
    September 9th, 2007 at 04:43 pm 1189356198
    1189356198

    That really should have been a decision for the two of you to make and he should also be thinking of some spending to cut for awhile. I would not cancel the savings deposits to emergency savings. Depending on how long he is out of work, you may need that money. If he is a "spendy," I would talk to him about not buying any electronics, cars, etc. or other expensive gadgets while unemployed. If he can't resist, I would say he should hand over debit cards, credit cards, etc. and put him on a cash allowance.

  14. crazyliblady Says:
    September 9th, 2007 at 04:45 pm 1189356314
    1189356314

    That really should have been a decision for the two of you to make and he should also be thinking of some spending to cut for awhile. I would not cancel the savings deposits to emergency savings. Depending on how long he is out of work, you may need that money. If he is a "spendy," I would talk to him about not buying any electronics, cars, etc. or other expensive gadgets while unemployed. If he can't resist, I would say he should hand over debit cards, credit cards, etc. and put him on a cash allowance. Oh, and far as books for dh are concerned, tell him to visit the public library.

  15. Nic Says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 01:59 pm 1189778384
    1189778384

    My BIL lost his job and sat around on his FAT a$$ playing video games,eating his family out of house and lot,playing video games,whining about his miserable state,playing video games,smoking up his wife's money and just being an a**hole.Did I mention all he did was sit around playing video games? This went on for 18 months. The last straw for his wife was when he told her she would have to give up smoking because they couldn't make ends meet. She kicked his lazy butt out the door.
    My best advice to her was DON'T give him $$$ in the hand,remove his access to all accounts.
    I hope it all works out for you and doesn't get as drastic.

  16. Single Guy Says:
    September 15th, 2007 at 03:13 am 1189826018
    1189826018

    I know it doesn't help, but you're not the only one to have to deal with that. I've been there, done that, and can top your's. I lost my job 5 years ago without warning, and then my (now ex) wife quit her job a week later without telling me. I had to ask a few days into the week when was she getting back to work before she would tell me anything. I survived, you will too.

  17. PauletteGoddard Says:
    September 24th, 2007 at 04:44 pm 1190652294
    1190652294

    Your husband's behaviour sounds really inconsiderate. You might suggest to him ways his energies could be directed at home. It's not at all fair to you for him to act irresponsibly. Does he have something going on upstairs like depression or anxiety?

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