Survived the wedding reception Sunday, but needed two beers and some raucous music to shake the tension after I got home. I am not good with large crowds for long periods of time, and we were there for 5 hours. Then there's the fact that I feel I have nothing in common with these people except a tiny percentage of shared DNA.
I am so tired of being the poor relation/good listener. My one cousin asked me what was new, and I had to reply same old, same old. I made the mistake, perhaps, of asking what was new with him. First item was, he'd spent the previous day on a friend's yacht, watching a regatta. A yacht!
Also, he and his wife just came back from the west coast, and will soon be going to Florida and Europe where they will be buying this and that... etc., etc., etc.
We don't have kids to keep us busy at these events, or to brag about. We haven't traveled in years. We haven't been elected to public office or appointed to boards, like several people there. Our life is going to work, coming home, trying to pay the bills, and increasingly, keeping tabs on my mother.
There just isn't anything we can say (or think to ourselves) that can counteract being made to feel so very small and unsuccessful. Seeing these relatives is as bad as going to a class reunion!
The bride and groom are a gorgeous couple, are very charming, and seem very happy right now despite their debt. I sure hope they can stay afloat. They are involved with buying this house when he works in retail and she isn't currently working at all.
Now that I'm thinking about it, maybe their overspending is partly the result of feeling just like I do amongst the rest of those braggy relatives!
A yacht. An (expletive deleted) yacht!
August 14th, 2006 at 04:59 pm
August 14th, 2006 at 05:23 pm 1155572612
Perhaps you can help the newlyweds out by showing them how you live since you feel they may be trapped like you are with the family.
August 14th, 2006 at 05:24 pm 1155572645
Other relatives like going on and on about all their home improvements and expensive purchases. One showed my husband a new couch and told how he paid $4,000 for it! Crazy.
August 14th, 2006 at 05:42 pm 1155573740
But just because your achievements are different and don't involve spending money or outward accolades doesn't mean you don't have something to contribute to the conversation. You also have things in your life that are going well. But if you inwardly divvy the room into "haves" and "have nots" then it's hard to summon the confidence to tell your story to a good advantage.
You'd probably not look down on someone who had achieved less than you, or made bigger mistakes than you, because you know that there are common, human desires and interests that people share. It might make you feel more comfortable to give those who have (in some areas) done "better" the benefit of the doubt. They may share an interest in gardening, in reading, in watching the August metor shower -- even if their net worth eclipses yours. So give yourself credit for being, just in yourself, an interesting and valuable person.
August 14th, 2006 at 09:50 pm 1155588649
August 15th, 2006 at 02:30 pm 1155648658
I think my reaction was more intense than usual because I'm so frustrated with some things about my own life right now. The remaining debt hanging over our heads, the deferred maintenance on the house, and so forth. If I were more satisfied with where we are, I don't think it would have bothered me quite so much. This cousin has always been a blow-hard, and usually I find him entertaining. This weekend it just felt like a slap in the face. (Don't worry, I'm getting over it!)