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A yacht. An (expletive deleted) yacht!

August 14th, 2006 at 08:59 am

Survived the wedding reception Sunday, but needed two beers and some raucous music to shake the tension after I got home. I am not good with large crowds for long periods of time, and we were there for 5 hours. Then there's the fact that I feel I have nothing in common with these people except a tiny percentage of shared DNA.

I am so tired of being the poor relation/good listener. My one cousin asked me what was new, and I had to reply same old, same old. I made the mistake, perhaps, of asking what was new with him. First item was, he'd spent the previous day on a friend's yacht, watching a regatta. A yacht!
Also, he and his wife just came back from the west coast, and will soon be going to Florida and Europe where they will be buying this and that... etc., etc., etc.

We don't have kids to keep us busy at these events, or to brag about. We haven't traveled in years. We haven't been elected to public office or appointed to boards, like several people there. Our life is going to work, coming home, trying to pay the bills, and increasingly, keeping tabs on my mother.

There just isn't anything we can say (or think to ourselves) that can counteract being made to feel so very small and unsuccessful. Seeing these relatives is as bad as going to a class reunion!

The bride and groom are a gorgeous couple, are very charming, and seem very happy right now despite their debt. I sure hope they can stay afloat. They are involved with buying this house when he works in retail and she isn't currently working at all.

Now that I'm thinking about it, maybe their overspending is partly the result of feeling just like I do amongst the rest of those braggy relatives!

5 Responses to “A yacht. An (expletive deleted) yacht!”

  1. rob62521 Says:

    I liked how you wrote, you share their DNA and that's it. My husband's family is always bragging about this and that and I don't share their DNA. We are pretty low key and don't spend recklessly and have the basic routine, go to work, come home, do chores, help my mom, go to church on Sunday, etc. We also don't have kids. I tried talking about books, but most of his family doesn't read so that left that out and I watch very little network T.V. Just programs on HGTV and Food Network while they want to talk about Desperate Housewives. So, I feel your pain! Hopefully you don't have to spend too much time with your clan.

    Perhaps you can help the newlyweds out by showing them how you live since you feel they may be trapped like you are with the family.

  2. daybyday Says:

    I know exactly how you feel. At one family event, someone asked my husband, "So how many houses do you own?" My husband replied, "Uh, one." The guy couldn't believe it, apparently thinking my husband was a big loser, and then the guy went on bragging about all the properties he owns. What the guy failed to mention was that his parents give him tons of money, so it's not like he made his own fortune.

    Other relatives like going on and on about all their home improvements and expensive purchases. One showed my husband a new couch and told how he paid $4,000 for it! Crazy.

  3. annab Says:

    Maybe take a look at it in a different way: at a gathering, people are going to talk about what's new and interesting. It's not a judgement against anyone else, but when you're asked to talk about yourself, you talk about your achievements or what's going well in your life.

    But just because your achievements are different and don't involve spending money or outward accolades doesn't mean you don't have something to contribute to the conversation. You also have things in your life that are going well. But if you inwardly divvy the room into "haves" and "have nots" then it's hard to summon the confidence to tell your story to a good advantage.

    You'd probably not look down on someone who had achieved less than you, or made bigger mistakes than you, because you know that there are common, human desires and interests that people share. It might make you feel more comfortable to give those who have (in some areas) done "better" the benefit of the doubt. They may share an interest in gardening, in reading, in watching the August metor shower -- even if their net worth eclipses yours. So give yourself credit for being, just in yourself, an interesting and valuable person. Smile

  4. fern Says:

    Very well said, Annab. Just what i was thinking.

  5. StressLess Says:

    Thanks for letting me vent, and for knowing what the situation is like. Smile I know that Eleanor Roosevelt quote, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." But it's hard to put it into practice.

    I think my reaction was more intense than usual because I'm so frustrated with some things about my own life right now. The remaining debt hanging over our heads, the deferred maintenance on the house, and so forth. If I were more satisfied with where we are, I don't think it would have bothered me quite so much. This cousin has always been a blow-hard, and usually I find him entertaining. This weekend it just felt like a slap in the face. (Don't worry, I'm getting over it!)

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